The reality of Xmas
Whilst Xmas is a magical time, it’s also very stressful and can create lots of uncertainty and pressure on adults and children which ultimately impacts on behaviour. Xmas is a reminder of many things in a person’s life and a little kindness at this time goes a long way.
You don’t have to have a diagnosed mental health condition to experience stress at Xmas. The festive period brings lots of different pressures, from feeling obliged to socialise more than usual to worries about how you are going to pay for everything. For some it’s the apprehension around family gatherings, which themselves can encourage stressful situations or conflict. Others struggle with the temptation to overindulge in food and alcohol.
You might be worried if it’s the first time without a loved one or have a different routine this year. Neurodiverse children may also find Xmas very challenging due to the change of routine and heightened levels of excitement by everyone around them. There’s also a massive social media presentation of what Xmas should look like, but the reality is very different!
Clients explain that Christmas highlights everything that they feel is missing in terms of a connection in relationships and reflecting on the past. It brings a person’s core values to the surface and instigates time for reflection around the past present and future.
Expectations
Try to focus on your version of Christmas as opposed to comparing your festivities to that on social media. Talk through with someone your version of perfection and where is that pressure coming from. Control the controllables and if you can’t control something it’s maybe time to practice letting the little things go.
Do something different
If the prospect of the usual routine fills you with feelings of sadness rather than joy, it’s ok to try something different. Go away somewhere or have dinner at a restaurant on Christmas Day. Make new family traditions and find ways to remember and include loved ones. It’s ok to acknowledge and think of them, do whatever works for you.
Reach out
Asking for help can be the hardest part, it makes you feel vulnerable and there’s always the worry that they might say no! During Christmas, make time to get together with your support network regularly, even if it’s just by text or call. It’s ok to say you need to talk.
You can ask for help and create a plan around who needs to do what.
Don’t assume the worst
Try not to start the Christmas period waiting for a disaster. Take one day/event at a time and try to forget the unimportant stuff.
Interactions
Reduce interaction with those that you know can trigger a negative response for you. This is not denial in disguise as you are acknowledging the reaction, but if someone really does push your buttons and is causing extreme stress, is it worth being around them.
Extra Tips
- Don’t overbook yourself
- Don’t stay too long when visiting, or don’t go at all
- Take a comfort or sensory support (fidgets /loops)
- Go shopping early or later or online to avoid busy environments
- What is the perfect gift and is it ever achievable, gifts come from love not status
- Exercise (even if it’s just 10 minutes a day to raise the heart rate)
- Get outside and feel the daylight on your face
- Take time out and relax
- Think about who do you want to spend time with
- Don’t forget to look after yourself (take your medication)
- Have some time off
- Everything in moderation
- Most importantly, breathe!!
I find that taking the time to acknowledge your breath and being still is a great way to calm the body and regulate the nervous system. Start by breathing in for 4 seconds, just hold the breath for a couple of seconds and then slowly exhale for 5 seconds and try to make the exhale long and slow. As you develop this technique start to imagine the path and direction of the breath and feel it enter the nose, travel down the back of the throat and chest as it expands the lungs and inflates the belly.
Learn to listen to your body, recognise when it’s becoming stressed and breathe! It’s always good to talk, but Xmas highlights the importance of supporting your mental health.